Faith

It's now 4am in the morning, and I'm suppose to be doing amendments of my floor plans but yet there's so many things running through my mind and since there's to ideas coming in anyways. It's June 11th today, and it marks exactly a month after we had that conversation. I have been going through a rough month, trying to avoid every possible ways of getting heartaches, and currently still in the midst of overcoming it,  just that I've put it aside, trying to march my step forward to welcome happy days ahead.

Exactly a month had passed, while I was lying on my bed trying to get some sleep, I suddenly had a thought of: "Hey, it's been a month. It's time to get over all these bullshits and just focus on how to become a better and matured individual by taking all these as a life experience." Then, the only thing that instantly came across my mind was, is this friendship really worth it? After all what we've gone through, and all the things I had done, and these is all I've gotten from you? I'm not really whether sure whether I should hang on, in fact, I don't even think I should hang on.

To come to think of it, I really felt that in these 4 years, I've missed out a lot, and probably lost friends that were once used to be closed. There's so many reasons that drifted us apart, at the wrong timing and the wrong reasons for us to not make things work out. I've come to realize that, as the older we grow, the lesser friends we had. Not in terms of quantity (in fact I think it actually increases as we grow older), but the quality of friendship as many of them are just too materialistic and judgmental. (Well, at least the ones I stumble upon was.)

High school was just plain dramas and misunderstandings, with some idiots that tried to drift friendships apart and add fuel to the fire.  Probably the person had nothing else better to do besides than backstabbing and shits, and they actually succeeded in doing that, and heck, they were one of the factor that molded most of us to be judgmental, including myself. To be frank, I've become so numb ever since all the betrayals during high school and all, but for now, I don't really know what sense had triggered my inner feelings that I just wanna hold back some friends who are worth fighting for.

One of my friend tells me the same thing over and over again: "why don't you make the first move instead of waiting? You cannot be possibly knowing what the other person is thinking, or even waiting for that person to make the move if you yourself didn't even make the initiative."  So I've put up my courage, and made up my mind to make work things out. Shall we just put everything and start all over? Maybe we should all just try to gamble this one last shot to see whether this friendship is worth fighting for.

I'm taking note of this!