Failure

Just realised its been a year since I've last updated. At one point last year I thought I was devoted to update my blogpost with UK life, but things got hectic along the way and architecture has been consuming all my time. Partly because its my first time away from home, too much to digest and get used to, settling in physically and mentally.

Too many things in mind, hence why I'm here documenting my inner thoughts; something I wanna share about. Somewhere during last May, I was struggling with projects. Partly because I was unfamiliar with the system here, and partly because I was homesick, mentally exhausted, starting to hate the environment and thus I started procrastinating alot of things and wasted time. Things did not turned out well, and leading me to a repeat of subject for another year, delaying my graduation.

I was devasted, and unwilling to accept the result. Emailed and talked to the lecturer but to no avail. There are many sensitive assumptions but I'm just gonna accept how it is. I also hated the fact that I wanted to graduate asap, and seeing the rest of my peers graduating one by one, it kept me wondering why do I have to endure another year here (cuz I didn't really enjoy UK last year) and why do I have to take a longer route to reach the destination.

Because of this failure, although I've heard many times about how life doesn't turn out how you expected it to be, I've learned reality the hard way and finally understanding what the quote meant. 

I didn't had the guts to open up to my parents, kept assuming and wondering how would my parent react that they have to pay more for another extra year, and the thought that they will be disappointed but I'm pretty sure they will get over with that thought as I will graduate eventually (just a year later).

Later on as I've learned to accept the fact, I started planning out my life in the UK. Plans on how I'm gonna study and manage my time, thought of differing another subject to balance up the timetable, getting a job to subsidise my tuition and visa fee etc. But like the above said, things doesn't turn out how you expected it to be. Went to the student advisor to see how to continue the course path, and turns out if I hit 90 credit hours per year I would have to pay for a whole year worth tuition fee instead of an additional subject. 

I'm like.....wtf? As if repeating a subject is not bad enough and I have to pay extra unnecessary? If that's the case I wouldn't have a choice but to study all subjects this year and leaving one subject next year. And hence, I wouldn't have the time to get a part time job cuz its gonna be so damn hectic for 2nd year cuz the grades are counted and it doest apply for the 1st year.  (and that is what that pisses me off because I'm repeating a subject that the grade is not counted.  Felt like I was wasting my time, energy and money. Hence, now you know how disappointed I am on this case).

But thanks to this, I've got to find a way to self fund myself next year. I know I can't afford to pay off everything by myself, but I've figured a way to subsidise the load off my parents. And through this, I've finally understand "when a door closes, another will open." And this also lead me to the thought that "trust everything happens for the right reason and will eventually fall into the right place."

In this case, I might not be able to find a job due to time constraint (just because I can't afford to fail this time, shit is getting serious this year and just because architecture is consuming all my time), I've thought of a way to self fund myself which is to start of a business by bringing in UK products. Now, I know that Msia has some well known UK products and what makes me think that I can sustain this business, but I'm pretty sure even with the conversion rate, prices that I can offer will probably be somewhat cheaper than Msia, plus most of the products are new in season. With this motivation, I hope I'll be able to achieve part of my goals. And this, will allow me to have more time to focus on the important subject next year and have some time to get a part time job.

I would like to think this situation a positive way, because of this failure I've learned that there are no smooth sailing road in life. We're bound to meet with challenges and obstacles, just a matter of how determined and strong we are to go through these shitholes. Probably because of this, I've learned how to adapt myself and settling with the environment in UK, to enjoy the life here when othrs can't afford to, to be more independent and learning to resolve problems without the help of others, probably the beginning of learning how business works etc.

By writing this post, I'm hoping to remind the future me, if the future obstacles I'm gonna challenge in life is bound to tear me down, always remember the first obstacle that brought me down and how I stood back up to face and resolved the problems. 

Just an inspirational thought.

xx